They say that bringing up kids is the biggest responsibility a person can have
and while there are tons of parenting books out there it can still be really confusing since they often teach completely different approaches
perhaps it’s time to turn to the Tibetans they follow a unique four stage system to shape their children into responsible self-sufficient and respectful individuals
so let’s see what it’s all about
The first stage starts with the birth of your child and ends when they turn five
This is a very important part of your child’s life when everything they know and see plays a major role in forming their character and can remain in their subconscious for life
you know how everybody says that
all of a person’s issues stem from childhood
so the Tibetan system of upbringing suggests that during this period parents should treat their kid like a little king or queen
they shouldn’t prohibit anything or punish the child.
At this age kids are usually incredibly curious about everything around them they’re full of wonder and ready to explore the world but they haven’t had any experience to learn from and they can’t make rational decisions yet.
So if they do something wrong or dangerous you should not look or act scared and try to shift their attention to something else.
Emotions are the language kids at this age understand best this approach can also help teach your child to respect themselves without turning them into arrogant little brats
They should know that they have the right to be unique and original and that no one can take that away from them the mistake a lot of parents make is being overprotective of their tops and prohibiting them from doing anything simply out of fear but this only suppresses their mental acuity and teaches them to follow without thinking
Plus they’re only a child once don’t forget that your kid will never get this time back let them explore the world on their own terms you just need to be there for them whenever they need you
When your kid turns five this marks the beginning of the second stage
Another five years down the road until your child’s tenth birthday you should talk to them as if they’re a slave.
Apparently Tibetan people are big fans of stark contrasts.
Of course the term slaves shouldn’t be taken literally here so don’t go crazy or anything no cruelty needed
At this time in a kid’s life their intelligence and logical thinking are developing and the primary features of their future personality are starting to form
That’s why now is the time to set some small goals for your little one :
Guide them towards achievement and teach them to be ready for the consequences that come from not realizing ones goals
Obviously these goals should be appropriate for their age so don’t expect them to do the impossible or set them up for failure just because they’re a kid
But child size tasks teach them to be responsible for their actions and don’t be afraid to give them a lot of tasks during this period as long as they can handle it and are ready to learn
If they have questions or are struggling a bit explain how it can be done but never do it for them, this will help you raise an independent and responsible person, traits they will certainly need as future adults
You see you can’t just nurture their privileged royal side and neglect the diligent servant one this phase is crucial because it balances everything out
So your child has turned 10 and you’re now done with the slave stage
For the next five years until your kid is 15 you’ll be in the third stage of Tibetan style upbringing.
This is when you should treat your child as an equal.
At this age they need a trustworthy friend in you they understand that you have more life experience acknowledged so they should be able to turn to you for advice and tell you what’s on their mind
Kids at this age are starting to form their own personal opinions and tastes and they want to share them with you
Never judge them for their views or interests that’ll only drive them away from you
If you’re constantly passing judgment on their every word in action your kid will stop telling you anything in hopes of avoiding your long-winded and unfounded accusations
Build a friendship with them instead you can even switch roles and ask them for advice this will encourage their independence critical thinking and even self-confidence it feels good when someone trusts you enough to turn to you for help doesn’t it ?
If you involve them in your life to share your true feelings they’ll do the same for you
Remember yourself at this age and all the stupid mistakes you made trying to be cool or to fit in, don’t punish them for this just give them honest advice and explain why their decision was ill-advised and what mistake do most parents of preteens make they tried to be judge jury and executioner, they scream and yell and can riddle their kids for the mistakes or any weird fashion choices they make
If your teen is constantly faced with strict rules and prohibitions they’ll want to do the exact opposite just to stick it to the man and that kind of thinking can put them in a dangerous situation
And if you’re overprotective and terrified to let your little birdie fly they’ll grow up insecure and overly dependent on others.
As hard as it may seem you’ve got to give your children a chance to make their own decisions
If those decisions end up being mistakes they’ll learn from them and gain important life experience just like you did.
And finally when the time comes for your child’s 15th birthday you’ll be entering the fourth and final phase
By this time your kids personality is basically fully formed and it’s time to respect them as an individual you can give advice but it’s a little too late to teach and it’s at this time that you’ll be seeing the fruits of your 15 year labor
Your child will be independent self-sufficient and respectful towards you as their parent and to others
But don’t forget that you should still be their friend that’ll only make your relationship stronger